Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
