Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
