Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
