In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
