I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
