You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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