there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
