I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
