Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im holly from the hills drunk
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
