I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
