Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
