He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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