please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
