Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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