the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
