God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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