Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so let's talk penis.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
