There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
