Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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