His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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