If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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