Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
