there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
