: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
