i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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