Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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