you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
