If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
