My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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