Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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