I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need moral support for this bender
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
