How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
