Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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