If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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