you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
