i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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