Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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