I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
