what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
