whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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