At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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