my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
