Whoa Z and x make the same sound
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
