Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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