I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
