every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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