3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
