my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
