I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
