I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
