Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
