This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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