It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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