He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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