when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
